This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
