Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
