there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
