Where are you?
In a non slutty way
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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