I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
