I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
