11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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