I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
