I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
