Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
