I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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