i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
