You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
