So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
