Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
