He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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