Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
