While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
