I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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