I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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