I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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