I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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