took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
