I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
