so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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