after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think your dad took our porno
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
