I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
