Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
