"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Terrible idea I love it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
