i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
