Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
