chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The best revenge is premature balding
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize