Four minutes until I can fart!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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