If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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