I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
