he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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