And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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