I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
