we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
