You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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