when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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