Soap is not a condiment
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
