Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
