if you like me you must not know who I am
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
