i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
