There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
