38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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