My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
