You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
