You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
