make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
