I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
