Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize